Stick a fork in me.
It’s time to reinvent the wheel. Or more specifically, my career. Which may be more difficult than reinventing the wheel.
Somewhere in the archives of this blog, I’m sure I talked about what I do for a living, but I’m too tired and beaten down to go find that post and link to it here. The short answer is I manage the contract administration for multiple construction projects on a multimillion dollar airport expansion.
It’s a position that is equal parts exhilarating challenge and bone-deep frustration. The job requires my staff and I to serve as guardians of the contract, walking a fine line between ensuring our contractors get paid, our construction management staff has the freedom to do their jobs, and our client receives the product they are paying us to produce. We are a hub and completely necessary to successful, compliant completion of the program.
As the manager, I protect my staff from the worst. They bear the day-to-day responsibility of ensuring companies get paid. The least I can do is be the front woman in the daily battle to ensure compliance.
I wake up every day, knowing I am going to an office where I am disliked because of the position I hold and the responsibilities that go with that position. It demands people obey the rules. And the rules are constantly being changed by outside forces. My job is not a popular one. Fortunately, I have experience in being unpopular. Most days, it doesn’t bother me. It is what it is and I’m very, very good at what I do. That is usually enough to get me through even the most difficult of days.
But it didn’t work this morning. And it is not going to work ever again.
My position and authority were undermined in front of our client by one of my own team members this morning. This was not the first time, but I am determined to make it the last. The person has since apologized; however, it was the last straw. The continued disrespect and complete disregard for the importance and necessity of my position reached a new low. If I were of a suing nature, I’d own this program and several of the firms working on it.
But that is not who I am. Instead, I will find a way to leave and accept a new challenge.
The timing of this incident is eerie. I have not been content in my job for quite a while now. Older posts reflect that discontent. But I had decided to hang in there for a couple more years until the program wound down, my step-sons were in college, and my guy and I could move somewhere new. I was going to take those years to lay the groundwork for a re-invention of my career.
After today, I don’t feel I have time. Change must come quickly or I’ll find myself burning bridges in an awesome crescendo of explosives.
Something was stolen from me today. I don’t know how to get it back.