I am, at the heart of it, essentially a private person.
Facebook was my first step towards tearing down that privacy fence. I was skeptical about joining. Each day, I seriously ponder the merits and drawbacks of having an account. It is so easy to say “yes” to every friend request. I am very cautious of what I share on Facebook because if you’re not careful, your co-workers can see those photos and read that post. You know, the ones that really should be kept to yourself because you’ve revealed yourself in an unflattering light and now run the risk of losing respect at the office.
To avoid that, I try to keep my status updates upbeat and philosophical. I don’t post photos that I wouldn’t want my parents to see. I keep my relationship status to myself. Before I draft a comment or a post, I consider carefully the merits of putting that thought out for all the world to see. I’ve been known to delete my own comments because they are too snarky and that’s not the image I want to present to the world, even if, in that moment, it is true. I have my privacy settings set as tightly as possible and have excluded certain people from seeing certain things.
And now I have this blog.
A place to share my thoughts.
A place to be creative.
And, let’s face it, a place to bitch when I’ve had a really bad day and want to ditch it all and run away.
[Note: If you’re one of my co-workers and you’re reading this blog, any comments I make about work should be attributed to that bad day. Work isn’t so awful, just frustrating at times. Who doesn’t dream of doing something else once in a while?]
I want to publicize this blog specifically because it is an integral part of pursuing my passion. Previous blogs have been private. My self-esteem, ordinarily quite healthy, cringed at the prospect of putting my creative thoughts out for all to read. Deep down, I was afraid I wasn’t good enough, or witty enough, or talented enough to reveal my thoughts in a public venue. That was fear talking.
I’m done with being scared.
If I never get a following, that’s okay. This blog is for me. For me to take a chance on being found by a search engine or a tag selection here on WordPress and risk both criticism and accolades. If I’m never found, I will still have written every bit of this blog for me because I am eagerly fanning the flames of my writing passion.
I’m tearing down the brick wall and installing a white picket fence. Feel free to peek through and knock on the gate.
© Hilary Clark and “Pining for Poetry & Prose: Pursuing My Passion”, 2010